Injustice, Surveillance Equipment, and Pizza...
by Bishie Hunter Neko
Summary: Gundam Wing characters + Duo with magic powers x fangirls and surveilance equipment = Kermit the frog, Yoda, and one pissed off tea cup. ^applause^ My first Gundam Wing insanity! Please R&R!
1. Please wait to be seated

**Injustice, Surveillance Equipment, and Various Kinds of Pizza  
**_Brought to you by the Psycho Neko (a.k.a. digi-kitty), and Dominoes' Pizza  
  
_**The Disclaimer  
**_Brought to you by the Psycho Neko, and various Gundam Wing characters the Neko has bribed. MUWHAHAHA!_  


  
Wufei: Hi. I'm Chang Wufei, and I've been convinced by the Neko to read The Disclaimer today. ^holds up a piece of paper^  
  
^loud applause from Duo in the background^  
  
Wufei: ^glares at Duo^ Anyways. ^puts on a pair of glasses^ The Psycho Neko does not own Gundam Wing. It is owned by Sunrise and TV Asahi. _But, _the Neko does in fact own some Gundam Wing merchandise, therefore it would not be fair to say she does not own it in-  
  
Duo: ^gasps from laughing so hard^ Holy Shi... ^laughs hysterically^ You look... ^faints from lack of air^  
  
Wufei: ^kicks Duo and smiles^ The end.  
  
Neko: I don't own Dominoes' Pizza either. I don't even know how to spell it. ^pauses to think^ Oh! And I don't own Jackie Chan or Jeopardy or The Wheel of Fortune or The Weakest Link. So there!  
  


**Some Information  
**_So it makes a little more/less sense.  
  
_

Okee... This story is told from the point of view of several fangirls who run the surveillance equipment set up around and in the Winner mansion. Soooo... Tha's about it. Enjoy! Everybody's most likely out of character, but enjoy!**  
**

  
The First Chapter  
_Please Wait to be Seated_  
  


22.04 seconds. Quatre wrote down the time in fountain pen before clearing the stopwatch and restarting it.  
  
Duo grinned and flopped on the couch. I'm getting better at this, eh Quatre?  
  
Quatre shook his head in wonder at the braided boy. Sadly, yes.  
  
What's going on, you two? Trowa had walked un-noticed into the room. He perched on the arm of the chair.  
  
Duo said slowly. He trailed off so that Trowa could hear the string of crude words coming from the adjoining room in several languages.  
  
was all Trowa had to say about that.  
  
The three pilots sat in silence, listening in what could be called amusement, to what was being said. There was a pause, followed by a loud smash', and Quatre stopped the watch again.  
  
43.57 seconds of straight cursing, no breaths. He wrote this down and waited for Duo's analysis. I doubt that's good for his health.  
  
Duo snorted with laughter before continuing. I'd say that was a vase. Antique I think. Worth 436 dollars and 44 cents, give or take a buck or two. Duo looked excessively pleased with himself.  
  
What did you say to him anyways, Duo? Trowa inquired.  
  
Before Duo could reply, Wufei stormed out of the room, muttering obscure things about injustice and pepperoni pizza.  
  
Something about a can opener, and Relena painting his Gundam pink, Trowa concluded. Quatre nodded in confirmation.  
  
Pilots 2 through 4 watched as Wufei stalked over to a cabinet and got out...  
  
Uh oh... Duo rolled off the couch and started backing away from Wufei, who was running his thumb menacingly along the blade of his sword.  
  
For every step Duo took backwards, Wufei took two steps forwards, until finally, Duo had his back pressed against the wall, a sword inconveniently less than two inches from his throat.  
  
Um... Help? Duo whimpered. In response to the Shinigami's plea, Trowa pulled a polariod camera out of a drawer and began snapping random pictures. Trigger-happy tourist.  
  
Wufei hissed, his face very close to Duo's now, If you say anything, anything at all, about a can opener, and Relena painting my Gundam pink, I will personally shove this katana up your-  
  
Okay, okay, Duo agreed quickly. He wrinkled his nose and pulled a box out of his back pocket. Tic tac?  
  
Wufei's eyes narrowed for no apparent reason, although there probably was one, and he brought the point of his sword within 5 millimetres of Duo's throat before pulling it back and...  
  
Ding-dong', the doorbell chimed.  
  
I'll get it! Wufei declared, dropping his katana (it _is_ a katana, right?), and nearly slicing Duo's toe off. Next time, Maxwell, he called over his shoulder as he raced out of the room.  
  
Duo breathed a sigh of relief and slid down the wall in a dead faint. Trowa dragged him over beside the couch and Quatre put a lacy doily and a vase of flowers on his head, for the sake of randomness and tasteful decoration.  
  
Blackness.  
  
Heh, sorry about that. Somebody threw something at our Super-duper-highly-contagious spy camera. No word from our patented Fly-on-the-wall as to what something was doing six feet in the air. Let's just not ask, shall we?  
  
Anywho, we're back, our audio fangirl has returned from her sugar break, so we're continuing live coverage of... Um... MOVING ON! Since we missed the last scene, let's just say...  
  
Heero walked into the room, took one look in Duo's general direction, blinked, and quickly retraced his steps.  
  
From downstairs, there was a fangirlish shriek, a thud, and string of curses in a foreign language, which, roughly translated, meant something obscure about injustice. And vegetarian pizza. Heero retraced his steps again. _This should be good..._  
  
There were twenty-two thuds' as Wufei dragged something up the stairs.  
  
31.46 seconds, Quatre said automatically.  
  
Wufei? What just happened, Trowa called nervously.  
  
Weak onna... Wufei muttered, dragging an unconscious fangirl into the room. Of all the unjust things...  
  
Duo exclaimed, suddenly becoming conscious and knocking the vase of flowers and the doily off his head, That's the third one this week!  
  
There were nine after Quatre, five for Duo, three after Trowa, two after me, and one after Wufei so far this month, Heero listed.  
  
I think the one after Wufei was delusional though, Trowa commented.  
  
What makes you think that?! Wufei said haughtily.  
  
The way she was chanting Jackie Chan'.  
  
  
  
Quatre shook his head. I think he's got you there, Wufei. Besides, what I want to know is, how did they find us?  
  
Duo gulped. he started nervously, There were four of them and they bribed me with chocolate-covered espresso beans and-  
  
  
  
It's true, pilot 02 replied meekly. Chocolate-covered espresso bean?  
  
While Duo was trying to tame a rabid Heero, Quatre was quietly watching the unconscious fangirl. Under his calm surveillance, the fangirl's eyes flickered, not quite opening. She moaned softly, and Quatre shifted his weight to his toes, ready to move, should the need arise.  
  
The fangirl moaned again, and her hand clenched by her side before falling limp again.  
  
Quatre called to his fellow Gundam pilots, She's waking up.  
  
To be continued...  
  


**Bits from the Archives**  
_Because I have no life, but that's okay._  
  


A note from the archive manager fangirl: We have no idea what Wufei is on. Or Duo for that matter.  
  
I know! Wufei exclaimed, disturbingly out of character, Let's play JEOPARDY!!!  
  
agreed Duo, slightly less out of character than Wufei, I'd like to buy a vowel!  
  
That's Wheel of Fortune, you moron, Wufei said sadistically.  
  
Is not!  
  
Is too!  
  
Is not!   
  
Is too!  
  
Is not!  
  
Is too!  
  
Fine! You are the weakest link, GOOD-BYE!  
  
Hey, Wufei protested, You can't do that! I'm the host!  
  
Not anymore.  
  


**Neko's Note**  
_A message from your friendly neighbourhood authoress._  
  


Okay... How was that so far? I know that all the pilots are probably very OOC, but this is my first Gundam Wing fanfic, so go easy on me, please! Should I get rid of any of the stuff at the beginning of the chapter for next time? Please tell me and I'll do my best! ^smiles^ Please review!


	2. Would you like fries with that?

**Injustice, Surveillance Equipment, and (Various Kinds of) Pizza  
**_Brought to you by Bishie Hunter Neko, and the letter I'. For insanity.  
_

  


**Disclaimed  
**

Lawyer: ^whistles^ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the meanest meanie in the valley! ^shadow falls over him^  
  
Deathscythe: ^squish^  
  
Neko: ^turns off projector^ And that children, is why I own Gundam Wing.  
  
Lawyers: ^gulp^  
  
Neko: Any questions?  
  
Random Lawyer: ^stands up^ But you don't own Gundam Wing!  
  
^pop^  
  
Deathscythe: ^squish^  
  


**Chapter the Second  
**_Would you like fries with that?  
  
_

...Continuation._  
  
_The effect this simple statement had on the other four boys was remarkable.  
  
Hiiro, who was holding Duo upside down by his ankle, promptly dropped him and raced into the adjoining room, drawing his gun. Dazed, Duo followed him, only to have the door slammed in his face. He resigned himself to standing in the middle of the room and pretending he was invisible.  
  
Trowa on the other hand, performed a impressive series of flips and landed gracefully on top of a cabinet. Wufei vaulted over the couch, neatly halving it with his sword. _Couch number...too many, _Quatre sighed mentally.  
  
Squee! Bishies! The fangirl spontaneously regained consciousness and wrapped arms around Duo's neck. The pilots all breathed a collective sigh of relief, except for Duo, who choked.  
  
Mine, mine, mine... All mine! The fangirl clung to Duo's neck, chanting repetitively. Wufei muttered something obscure and tried to pry the fangirl off Duo. She hissed briefly, then latched herself on to Wufei.  
  
Injustice! Get off me, onna! then in a lower voice, The things I do for you, Maxwell...  
  
Make that six for Maxwell, and two for Wufei, Hiiro corrected himself, slipping Perfect Soldier-like' back into the room. In the hallway, a shadowy figure prepared to make her entrance. _Eh heh heh..._ She laughed diabolically to herself and signaled a hidden camera.  
  
Bang!' There was a spectacular explosion, and the room filled with fake smoke. When it cleared, there was a girl standing in the middle of the room.  
  
she said cheerfully, I'm Yasashii and this is my co-worker Neko, she gestured vaguely towards the girl wrapped around Wufei. Yasashii pulled out a clipboard and began scanning a list, ignoring the pilots' bemused looks.  
  
First, I suppose I'll do your friend here a favour by relieving him of Neko. She produced a huge pair of tweezers from Fangirl Equipment Storage Hammerspace and plucked Neko off of Wufei, placing her on the floor. Before the fangirl could react, Yasashii tranquilized her, instantly rendering her unconscious.  
  
Hiiro took stock of the situation. There was a strange girl standing in the middle of the room pulling things out of midair, and an even stranger girl unconscious in the corner. He suspected they were fangirls, but what did it all mean? For the first time in his life, the Perfect Soldier was clueless.   
  
Quatre said slowly, Could you give some background information about yourself? I'm Quatre, but I have a feeling you already know that.  
  
You bet! I have your file right here! Yasashii held up a thick manila folder. A few papers slipped out and Trowa picked them. He found them to be a collection of screenshots from security' cameras.  
  
Duo looked over Trowa's shoulder. Quatre making lunch, Quatre playing the violin, Quatre with a stop watch, Quatre doing needlepoint, Quatre playing- Hey! Quatre doing needlepoint?! The hell?!  
  
Quatre pulled nervously at his collar. So... How do you get all these images?  
  
Oh, just a bunch of surveillance cameras set up around the house! Yasashii said happily and the pilots gave a simultaneous gack'. But don't worry, we respect your privacy. Although there was this one time that-  
  
There was another loud bang and the room filled with beach balls. Yes, beach balls. Shut up. Once Hiiro had handily disposed of them all, there was another girl standing where Yasashii had been, Yasashii was unconscious next to Neko, and everything was okay. Everything was full of holes, but it was okay.  
  
said the girl who was standing in the middle of the room, I'm Sha- she spotted Duo, Duo gave a squeak of terror and high-tailed it into the adjoining room, the fangirl girl in hot pursuit.  
  
Unfortunately, the lucky gods were not smiling down on Sha-, she lasted less than Neko and Yasashii combined, which is understandable, I suppose, but still...  
  
There was a loud bang, and the room filled with pink. inflatable Tarepanda sledgehammers. Trowa yawned in boredom as Hiiro emptied them out the window, all except the one that Duo was clutching as a means of self defense.  
  
When the sledgehammers were gone, there was a girl standing in the middle of the room. Sensing a pattern here?  
  
Quatre recognized the small stature of the silhouette and, unalarmed, turned his gaze to the corner where the fangirls lay. Yasashii was still unconscious so he reclined on half the couch to watch the events unfold. _Two plus one equals two. Makes perfect sense to me._  
  
Duo had not figured this out yet. _Hiiiiiii-ro!_ They're messing with my mind!  
  
The fangirl cleared her throat. My name is Neko. I have been sent here to deliver this message: We, the undersigned, hereby grant Duo Maxwell magic powers for one day, or until we see fit to remove them. We know where you live... Neko handed Trowa the document.  
  
Duo howled, They did it again! Neko smiled serenely, and the room once again filled with the conventional smoke. Through the confusion, Wufei distinctly heard the sound of bodies being dragged across the floor and a door clicking shut.  
  
_Owari!  
  
_

**Une Bit from le Archives!  
**_Whoot!  
_

Duo: Wow! Bob spelt backwards is boB! And wow spelt backwards is wow! Moo spelt backwards is oom...  
  
Wufei: No shit, Sherlock.  
  
Duo: Constipated Watson?  
  
Hiiro: Open up! It's the Lame Police! ^Quatre and Trowa handcuff Duo and march him off^  
  


**And a Special Extra!  
**_Lucky you! ^^*_  


Quatre: ^walks into the kitchen^ Good morning everyone! ^happy happy cheery cheery^ Any words of wisdom?  
  
Other Pilots: ^zzzzzzzzzzzz^  
  
^silence^  
  
Duo: _Cognito eggo sum._  
  
Trowa: I think therefore I am a waffle.  
  
Quatre: ^^*  
  


**From the Walls of an Insane Asylum  
**_Neko and faithful muse.  
_

Neko: There! Was it worth the wait?  
  
Enko-chan: ^wakes up^ Huh?! What?!   
  
Neko: ^smacks Enko-chan^  
  
Enko-chan: %_%  
  
Neko: Neways... I promise that the OC will go away next chapter if they're bothering you! ^grovels^ Please review. I love you. ^_^  



End file.
